


once bitten and twice shy

by xuxikr



Series: One Month, One Fic: 2019 [14]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Parent-Child Relationship, Single Dad!Jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21956833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuxikr/pseuds/xuxikr
Summary: If anyone told Jaemin that he'll be spending this Christmas with Renjun as his boyfriend, he never would have believed them. In fact, he might think that it's probably the worst prank of all time—yet here he is, a couple of weeks away from Christmas, standing in the middle of the living room as he lets Renjun and Jisung decorate their tree.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Series: One Month, One Fic: 2019 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1396381
Comments: 18
Kudos: 305





	once bitten and twice shy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [painttheworldinpastels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/painttheworldinpastels/gifts), [jaexings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaexings/gifts).



> This is it! The last fic (other than my awaiting 00FF entry, of course) for my One Month, One Fic challenge! I really hate making long author's notes but I feel like I deserve to write a long one for this fic. Taking up the one month, one fic challenge in the beginning of the year felt like such a task and to be honest, it did feel like a chore sometimes especially during the months when I feel so drained of creativity that I can't even stand writing one line of prose. But in the end, I think it's all worth it because it pushed and motivated me to write. I'm really glad I did this, and I'm really glad that I'm ending the year with so many worlds written and for this one, I'm ending it with a universe that I really love and feel so happy revisiting.
> 
> This work is dedicated to my friends, Justinne and Kerrie. I want to thank them for being my biggest support system this year when it came to fic writing. On days that it was hard to even open a document and write something, they're the people that inspire and motivate me to write. On the days when I feel like my writing does not amount to anything, they are always the people to cheer me on and leave the best comments on anything I put out. I'm really so thankful that I became friends with the two of you this year, and I hope that you love this fic as much as I do because I know that you guys love this verse as much as I do, too. I love you both! 
> 
> Anyway, it's getting long. Thank you for staying with me, if you've read everything I've put out this year, I sincerely thank you. If this is your first time writing something from me, thank you for being here and I hope this fic leaves a good impression! 
> 
> Here we go.
> 
> (This is a sequel of sorts from my fic called ['turn on your favorite nightlight'](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20428712), you don't have to read it to get the gist of the fic, but I suggest you do for more context.)

All the Christmases that Jaemin has spent with Jisung has been memorable to say the least. During their first Christmas together, Jisung took his first steps with the help of the living room couch. On their second Christmas together, Jisung tried to balance himself on one foot and ended up falling over which sent Jaemin to panic. All the Christmases after that has an event worth noting—and this year, for their sixth Christmas together, they're celebrating it with Renjun.

If anyone told Jaemin that he'll be spending this Christmas with Renjun as his boyfriend, he never would have believed them. In fact, he might think that it's probably the worst prank of all time—yet here he is, a couple of weeks away from Christmas, standing in the middle of the living room as he lets Renjun and Jisung decorate their tree.

"But I want to put the star on the tree!" Jisung huffs, his round lips formed a pout as he asks Renjun to lift him up to his shoulders so that the six-year-old can reach the highest point of the evergreen.

"It's dangerous!" Renjun insists as he pats down Jisung's hair. Jisung has refused to get a haircut this month and insists that he prefers his longer hair so Jaemin has taught him how to use conditioner. "How about we just let Appa put the star on the tree, yeah?"

Jisung turns to look at Jaemin, hugging Renjun's leg as he tries to plead with the adults. “Appa,” Jisung says, his voice laced with the sweetness that he knows will get to Jaemin to succumb to all his whims. Jaemin is proud to say that he’s a man of discipline, but Jisung just has to ask and he’ll give him the entire world if he so asked. “I wanna put the star on the tree!”

Renjun looks at Jaemin, communicating through their eyes and Jaemin does not know when they started parenting Jisung together, but it's a synergy formed without having to talk.

"It's okay," he says to Renjun, "I've been putting the star on the tree all these years, I think Jisung is big enough that I pass the torch onto him." His words make Jisung's entire face light up, the child bouncing up and down as he continues to hug Renjun so he gets dragged along with him to. Renjun only relents, laughing as he pries Jisung's arms off him and hands him over to his dad.

"Well then, lift him up and I'll get the cameras."

Renjun disappears into somewhere as Jisung raises his arms up into the air, asking Jaemin to lift him up. They wait until Renjun has reappeared with a camera (Jaemin's) and Jaemin lifts Jisung up to his shoulders.

Jisung has a fear of heights, so when he trembles and clutches to Jaemin's hair for security, the sudden pain causes Jaemin to yelp—which sends Renjun into laughter as he clicks the shutter from behind the camera.

"It's so scary!" Jisung whines, his eyes shut tight as Jaemin tries to make Jisung release his hair by handing him the star that still needs to be placed on the tree.

"Jisung," Jaemin says calmly, holding up Jisung with a hand as the other tries to nudge his son with the star. Jaemin does not see Renjun watching this curiously, ready to swoop in any time that Jaemin needs help.

"It's okay to be scared," Jaemin begins and Jisung’s cries of help are dwindling down as he listens to his father. “But if you want to do the things that you want to do, sometimes, being scared is worth it. So if Jisungie wants to put the star on the tree, he has to open his eyes, take the star and put it on the tree. That’s just three things, I’m sure you can do it, right Jisung-ah?”

Jaemin hears Jisung sniffle, but he feels Jisung nudge his hand until Jaemin’s handing him the star. Renjun’s right next to them, waiting with bated breath as Jisung leans over to place the star on the tree.

When Jaemin looks at Renjun, there’s a proud smile on his face and something about his expression tells Jaemin that it’s both for him and Jisung.

They’re shopping gifts for Jisung when Renjun first tells him about it.

Jaemin usually shops for toys with Jisung, with the child being allowed to grab whatever he wants from the shelves no matter how big or expensive the toy may be. This year however, Renjun puts his foot down and scolds Jaemin for not knowing how to gift wrap, hence ruining the element of surprise that gift giving has. He cannot deny it either—he sucks at wrapping gifts.

Jisung’s staying over at Jeno and Donghyuck’s for the meantime, with the excuse that the cats wanted to play with Jisung today. Jisung does not ask a lot of questions when the cats get involved. As long as he gets to play with them, he’s fine.

“Something came up with work today.” Renjun tells him. He’s walking ahead of him, picking out toys for Jisung as Renjun pushes the cart from behind. Jaemin’s listening, but only with half of his attention on the other as he tries to pick out which robot would Jisung prefer.

“What is it?” He asks politely, prompting Renjun to go on.

Renjun does not speak for a moment and the question is hanging in the air, when Jaemin notices this, he turns around and places the boxes of robots down into the cart. “Cat got your tongue?” He teases, a sly smile on his face but the expression on Renjun’s face wipes that smugness away as quickly as it comes.

He’s in _distress_ , he’s never like this unless he’s thinking about something—unless something has been weighing him down and in moments like this, Jaemin knows better than to tease. So he straightens up, pulls Renjun to his side and right there in the Robot aisle does he ask, “is anything the matter?”

Renjun, after a moment, finally succumbs and lets it go. “They want me to fly back to New York next week.”

Jaemin processes Renjun’s words slowly, like an intense build-up that leads to the crashing of a dam. When he looks at Renjun, there’s an expression on his face that tells Jaemin he’s _still_ debating this—but if Renjun is debating this, then that can only mean one thing.

He never expected to get his heartbroken in a Toys R Us with a cartful of robots, yet here he is.

When they get to the car, Renjun explains to him that they sent him an e-mail, asking him to fly in to New York for the Christmas season. It’s for an exhibit that he has spearheaded since months ago, and the officer-in-charge that he left with the responsibility before he transferred to Seoul suffered through a medical emergency, leaving the exhibit without a leader. Since he is still under the same institution, Renjun has been promised to be generously compensated if he flies back to New York.

Jaemin is not mad. He knows how much time and effort Renjun puts into the exhibits that he leads, knows how much heart Renjun has for his craft and he knows how much of a perfectionist Renjun is that he cannot stand to have this exhibit fail—when he’s very much capable of letting it succeed.

The car is silent when Jaemin revs up the engine, Renjun is staring at his lap like a berated puppy as Jaemin tries to find the words to say. He is torn—torn between letting Renjun go and begging him to stay and spend the holidays with them. Jisung has been looking forward to spending Chrismas with Renjun, and it will be a lie to say that he hasn’t been looking forward to this too—but he does not want to be selfish.

“It’s okay,” Jaemin says finally after the long silence, he’s managed to get out of the parking lot too. Renjun looks up at him, and when Jaemin glances at him—his eyes are glossy with the beginning of tears. _What a crybaby._ “It’s okay, Renjun. If you want to go, you can go—we just have to explain things to Jisung and he’ll fine, he’s a big boy.”

Renjun does not speak for a second, and when Jaemin looks at him as they hit a red light, Renjun is frowning at him. “And what about you? Will you be okay?”

Jaemin laughs, and although his heart aches at the thought of not spending this Christmas with Renjun even though they have planned for this—he smiles. He does not want to make Renjun feel heavier than he already does. “I’ll be fine, Renjun.”

As it turns out, dealing with the fact that Renjun is leaving and the fact that they still have to tell Jisung about his departure is harder than he thought he would be. It’s a given that he told Renjun it’ll be fine, but every time that Jaemin wakes up alone in his bed with last night’s text message from Renjun on read saying that he’ll come over in the afternoon—he feels the pang of pain in his heart knowing that soon, it will not be like this anymore.

They planned to tell it to Jisung today when Renjun comes over, and Jaemin can already imagine the heartbreak for Jisung. It’s a tough situation, and sometimes Jaemin wonders about the what ifs. What if he begged Renjun to stay? What if he wanted Renjun to celebrate the holidays with them like originally planned? What if he just tells Renjun that he does not know how to handle the oncoming heartbreak this would be?

Jaemin hears the pattering of Jisung’s footsteps into his room and saves that thought for later.

Jisug comes running into his room with his banana-patterned pajamas on. He vaguely remembers helping Jisung put them on when Jeno and Donghyuck dropped him off to their apartment. Jaemin gives his son a smile, rising from the bed as he helps him climb up on the mattress.

“You got me presents?” Jisung’s standing up on the bed, jumping up and down as he holds Jaemin’s hand. There’s a gummy smile on his face, excitement lighting up his features and although Jaemin wanted to keep it a secret for a short while—there is no way he can deny Jisung of answers.

“They’re already under the tree. Didn’t you see them?” At the mention of the location of the presents, Jisung bolts out of Jaemin’s bed, running into the living room in record time. In the meanwhile, Jaemin gets out of his bed, makes his sheets and fluffs up his pillows.

When he gets to the living room, there’s Jisung sitting patiently around the boxes of gifts, hugging one close to him as he looks up at Jaemin with a practiced angelic smile. He knows what Jisung is going to say next. “Can I open this one? Please? Please? Please?”

If Jaemin ever thought of saying yes to Jisung, it all gets stifled when their door opens and reveals Renjun behind it. “Who says you can open your presents now? You still have a long time before Christmas comes.”

“Uncle Renjun!” In a split second, Jisung forgets about his desires to open the presents and is bounding up to Renjun. It hasn’t even been a day since they last saw each other, but Jisung is already acting like he has missed Renjun more than words can ever say.

When Jaemin looks at Renjun, who’s being hugged around the legs by Jisung, he shares a smile with him. It speaks more than what he can even try to coherently express right now.

“Huh, guess if I arrived a little later you wouldn’t have presents left to open on Christmas?” Renjun accuses playfully, smushing Jisung’s cheeks right in between his palms. Jaemin has made it to them, tugs Renjun to his side and gives him a peck.

“Ew!” Jisung bites from in between them, wriggling free out of their bounds as he runs away from them. Renjun and Jaemin laugh, now holding each other as they look at Jisung pretending to gag. “I only wanted to open one!” He insists, “just one, please?”

Renjun looks at him, brow raised as if he’s asking how he wants to deal with this. In response, Jaemin pushes him lightly by the small of his back, asking him to take charge with the situation.

For six years, Jaemin has raised Jisung alone. All of Jisung has been influenced by his decisions and his choices alone, but now that he has Renjun—he cannot even begin to think how thankful he is to have him by his side, to help him shape Jisung to grow up to be a good person too.

It’s a relief that they’re together.

Renjun steps forward so that he’s near Jisung, his hand outstretched to pat him on the head. “You have to wait, Jisung-ah. It’s all going to be worth it in the end, I promise you that underneath all these wrappings are the best gift that you will ever receive yet.”

Jisung pouts, his round lips jutting out like a duck and Jaemin can’t help but chuckle. Jisung has always been impatient, and Jaemin always relents to Jisung’s impatience—it’s good that Renjun is here to teach the both of them self-control. “Okay,” Jisung sighs finally after a moment of silence, “promise they’re the best gifts?”

Renjun nods as he leans down to press a kiss to the top of Jisung’s head. “Promise! Now let’s go make breakfast, okay?”

They make strawberry pancakes. Jisung helps out with stirring the batter during the first few minutes but has ditched it for his early morning cartoons. So now, Jaemin and Renjun are standing in the kitchen as Jisung entertains himself with the television.

“You have to learn how to say no to Jisung, you know?” Renjun tells him as he pours batter on the pan. Jaemin’s diligently slicing the strawberries for toppings later.

It strikes him now, how he’s never really learned how to say no to the people that he loves. From Renjun and even down to Jisung. It’s his worst habit, always agreeing with things even though he has to take charge and say what he really wants. He has always known that he had to deal with it one way or another, he just did not expect for Renjun to confront him about it like this.

“I know,” he says, pushing away the chopping board full of strawberries and walking over to the stovetop where Renjun has busied himself, “but it’s hard, I’m still working on it.”

Before Jaemin can even wrap his arms around Renjun’s middle, Renjun has turned off the stove and beats him to it. It’s how he ends up encased between Renjun’s arms, his back against the countertop and pleasantly surprised at the turn of events.

“You can’t let him grow up to be spoiled, Jaemin.” Renjun says, with such an intensity burning in his eyes that Jaemin does not know if he’s afraid or aroused—perhaps both. He does not vocalize this thought process though.

Jaemin smiles, in a way that shows all his teeth and his hands find their rightful place where the bones on Renjun’s hip jut out just a little. Renjun does not tremble. “Then it’s good that I have you right here with me.” He says with zero hesitance, “we play good cop, bad cop or something—I’ll be the dad that spoils and you be the dad that scolds the both of us.”

If Renjun does not tremble from his earlier display of charm, then he trembles with those words. Renjun falters for just a second, opening and closing his mouth at Jaemin calling him as Jisung’s dad too. It does not last long however, because Renjun regains his composure and pushes him back against the counter with his hip.

“But I’ll be gone for Christmas—remember?” He reminds him. It leaves a bitter taste in Jaemin’s tongue. “And you can’t… you can’t spend all Christmas spoiling him rotten. I won’t let you. Even if I’m in New York—you can’t… can’t do that.”

Jaemin pauses and pulls away to look at Renjun, _really_ look at Renjun. As much as he does not want to believe what he sees, the flash of anxiety and uncertainty in Renjun’s irises is undeniable.

“Babe,” he coos, the old pet name that they’ve almost forgotten coming out so naturally. Renjun frowns at him, but Jaemin knows there is not much meaning behind it. “We’ll be fine here, you know? Me and Jisung… we’ll be okay, I’ll try not to let him eat so much Christmas candies, but I can’t promise anything.”

Jaemin knows that humor always relieves the tension, and it does. Renjun smiles, landing a punch to Jaemin’s chest before he pulls away to go back to the pancakes. He lets out an exhale as he gets back to work. “I’m just nervous that he’ll take this really badly… I don’t want to make him cry.”

This time, Jaemin finally succeeds with his plan of putting his arms around Renjun’s middle in a backhug. Renjun lets him.

“He’s smart.” Jaemin states. “He will understand.”

And although Jaemin will still feel sad that Renjun has to go—he understands. That is the most important thing of them all.

He feels Renjun’s chest vibrate with a small hum. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“For raising him to be so smart, even if you’re so dumb sometimes.”

“Hey!”

Breakfast goes by without much mishaps. They eat altogether around the living room, watching Jisung’s cartoons with him with fun commentary from Renjun as they do so. After breakfast, Jisung takes his bath and Renjun drops him off to Chenle’s for their promised playdate today. Jaemin works at home during the time that Renjun and Jisung aren’t there, but they regroup in the afternoon just in time for Jisung’s nap.

“He had so much fun today.” Renjun relays to him as they fold the laundry together. Jisung’s sleeping in his room, and Jaemin has just taken the clothes out of the dryer when they arrived so now Renjun has volunteered to help him even with Jaemin’s resistance.

“You got to meet Chenle’s parents too?” Jaemin asks. He’s become friends with Chenle’s parents too, and they’re some of the kindest people that Jaemin has ever known. He trusts them with Jisung just as much as he trusts his own friends with his son.

Renjun nods happily as he continues to fold Jisung’s clothes. “Yup! When Kun learned that I’m Chinese too, he just couldn’t stop talking. It’s good, feels like we’ve known each other for a long time.”

They fall into conversation easily, about how Kun made dishes that reminds Renjun of home and how he wants to try cooking it for them too next time. This is the best part of being in a relationship with Renjun, Jaemin thinks—of course, there are the other things that make him think that being in love with Renjun is one of the best things to ever happen to him but the little moments where they share the most mundane things together is the one he knows he will keep for the books.

With the laundry folded and their conversation spanning Renjun’s window cleaning habits to them arguing over whether it’s better to wash the dishes while cooking or let them pile up _then_ wash them after cooking, there’s only one thing left to talk about.

They only have to talk about Renjun’s departure to Jisung.

It feels like they’ve put it off for so long, but Jaemin knows it’s coming anyway. So he braces himself for it, and along the lines, he braces Renjun for it too.

Like a movie script, Jisung wakes up right after they’ve finished making afternoon snacks for him. Just some fruits and bread, with his current favorite movie on the television. Jisung, although still sleepy, hugs the bowl of apples close to his chest as he finds his spot on the nook of the couch.

Renjun sits next to him, arm draped over the couch and Jisung looks up at him for a moment, before his shoulders lift in a shrug and he leans against Renjun. “Are you okay, Uncle Renjun?”

The question comes from nowhere, and Jaemin waits with bated breath as he takes the seat next to them.

Renjun swallows visibly and Jaemin is at the edge of his seat. “Why would you ask that, Jisungie?”

Eyes droopy but still munching on his apples, Jisung replies. “I just think so.”

“You just think so?” Renjun asks for confirmation, his hand idly playing with the tufts of Jisung’s hair that have stuck out due to his sleeping habits.

Jisung nods, blinking his eyes until they open wide enough for him to see clearly. Jaemin watches this all unfold with anticipation.

“Well you’re right about that, I guess… there’s something that I want to tell you, Jisungie.”

Jisung recognizes the importance of the oncoming announcement as he straightens ups and puts his bowl of apples down. He glances at Jaemin once, then looks back at Renjun with his eyebrows knotted together in worry—a similar expression to what Jaemin always has.

“You can tell me, Uncle Renjun.” Jisung says, holding Renjun’s hand in his. Jaemin smiles.

Frankly, Jaemin does not know how Renjun will start this conversation—but Renjun inhales and Jaemin listens. “You know how Christmas is soon and how I promised that I’ll be here with you guys for this year?”

Jisung nods, not once breaking eye contact and not once letting go of Renjun’s hands. Jaemin’s moved closer to them now, so that he can rub Renjun’s back as he tells the news to Jisung.

“Something came up with my work—and they’re asking me to fly out to New York for Christmas…” Renjun says slowly, as if he is still also trying to digest this fact. Jisung only nods, letting Renjun go on. “That means I won’t be here for Christmas like I promised.”

There’s a pause, just Jisung looking at Renjun with an unchanged expression. Jaemin hears and feels the tremble in Renjun, and his heart aches both at how much Renjun has loved Jisung and at how painful this is for Renjun too.

But Jisung—Jisung only smiles and gets up on the couch, so that he’s tall enough to wrap Renjun in a hug and invite Jaemin into it too with a tug on his shirt. “Don’t cry, Uncle Renjun. It’s okay.”

Jaemin smiles at Jisung when they look each other in the eyes. “Is Uncle Renjun crying?” He asks teasingly, always an attempt to alleviate the atmosphere.

“Not yet,” Jisung replies with a giggle as he pulls away to cup Renjun’s cheeks in his small hands. With Renjun trying to hold back the tears, it’s a sight to behold, really.

“You guys always make me laugh at the worst possible times—” Renjun says without much intent, pulling Jisung down to hug him again. Jisung complies, settling down so that he’s sitting on Renjun’s lap. Jaemin reaches over to pinch him on the cheek.

“But you’ll be back before New Year’s Eve, right? You _have_ to see the fireworks with us and Uncle Jeno and Uncle Donghyuck! We have to do it for real!” Jisung asks brightly, looking up at the two adults with so much hope in his eyes.

This time, Renjun answers with zero hesitance. “I will be.”

It’s a promise that Jaemin looks forward to too.

“Okay,” Jisung exhales, “be back before New Year’s Eve then.”

All too soon, it’s almost time for Renjun to leave. Jaemin’s in his room, helping Renjun pack his necessities for a one-week trip back to New York. It’s harder than he imagined.

“Where’s Jisung?” Renjun asks when he’s finally hauled is luggage out of the storage room. He sets it down on the bedroom floor, looking around for any signs of the child that had been with Jaemin only a few minutes prior.

“He found your plants and now he’s talking to them.” Jaemin explains, eliciting a small laughter from Renjun at the picture it paints.

Jisung hasn’t been over at Renjun’s apartment that much, with Renjun spending most of his time and days at their place, there’s really no reason for them to come over at Renjun’s place. Until today, of course, because Jaemin insisted to help and Jisung can’t help his curiosity about Renjun’s new plants.

Jaemin opens up Renjun’s closet, scans his clothes for a short while and starts tugging clothes out of it. With an armful of winter clothes, he turns back to Renjun who’s folding his underwear and socks neatly, tucking them in the pocket of the luggage.

“You have to send us a lot of pictures.” He reminds softly, setting the clothes down on the bed to fold them one by one. “And you have to video call us during Christmas Eve so we can celebrate together—from both ends of the world, okay?”

Renjun only smiles, grabbing a winter coat and folding it to the best of his ability. The smile does not reach his eyes. “I’m sorry for this, Jaemin… I’m really sorry…”

“Hey,” Jaemin’s quick to drop everything and sit next to Renjun, “don’t say sorry, it’s not your fault.”

“But it is,” Renjun argues silently with deflated shoulders, “I shouldn’t have said yes—I should have opted to stay here with you guys—it’s our first Christmas together and I—”

“Babe,” Jaemin calls and Renjun is quick to respond, his eyes are glossy with the beginning of tears, and Jaemin holds his hand to ground him. In fact, Jaemin thinks he needs to hold Renjun’s hand to ground him too.

Talking about emotional things—things that need to be explicitly stated are still things that Jaemin is learning, even with raising a son, Jaemin still does not have a lot to figure out. And he’s long made friends with the fact that he has to tackle all the life lessons one by one, even with little steps and with little progress.

So when he holds Renjun’s hands and finally tells him how he really feels about it, Jaemin thinks it’s progress. “I know you feel horrible for all this situation… but this is your dream isn’t it? Going to New York is going to help you build your dream even further, and it’s one Christmas… we are still going to spend the next years together, aren’t we?”

Renjun nods, his thumb brushes over Jaemin’s knuckles and everything that Jaemin has kept in comes flooding out like a dam. “And… of course, I’m going to be sad about it. I’m going to be missing you every day, I might cry when you leave but not in front of Jisung because I have to be strong… it’s going to be hard for the three of us but there will be moments that we have to make sacrifices, right?”

“I know you love us—and I can’t be more thankful that you love Jisung like he is your son, but I also know that you have this whole life planned out. I’m not going to impose, I’m not going to force you to stay, whatever you decide on—I’ll support it. Because I trust you, I trust you so much that I can let you go to New York like this. So don’t worry about me, okay? You take that job, kill it, and then come back to us before the year ends. Okay?”

Renjun has started crying, and Jaemin, usually devoid of tears—has teardrops running down his cheeks. He really does learn new things every day.

He has loved Renjun for so long that him being apart from them for a week is nothing, it’s nothing compared to the decade he had to wait until Renjun has come back to him. If his love has withstood decades of skirting around the lines of friendship and romance, then he knows that his love for Renjun can survive a simple work trip over the holidays. They are stronger than this.

“You know I’ll always worry about you.” Renjun says, punctuating his sentence with a kiss. Renjun’s kiss is brief, almost like a peck but Jaemin does not miss the chance to grab him by the nape and kiss him better.

“You always worry.” Jaemin teases when they pull away, lips red and eyes blown wide. They’ve kissed so many times before, but it still always feels like the first every single time.

“Of course, I do.” Renjun says, brining up Jaemin’s hands to his lips to brush a kiss to his knuckles. “I only do because I love you that much.”

Airports during the Christmas season should be a happy place. It’s the place where families are reunited, where people are returning from a long absence in their hometowns. But the departure area paints a different scene, with Jisung hugging Jaemin’s legs as Renjun waves at them one last time before he enters the airport.

“Don’t look back.” Jaemin had told him when they hugged for the last time, because he’s heard that looking back makes it more painful to separate.

Renjun disappears into the departure gate without looking back and Jisung tugs at Jaemin’s pant leg. He’s crying.

“Oh, darling.” Jaemin coos, picking up the child into his arms as Jisung starts to sob. He’s held it in so well—he always knew that Jisung would cry, but the fact that Jisung waited until Renjun can’t see him crying makes his heart swell with so much pride yet ache with so much hurt.

“I’m gonna miss him,” Jisung sniffles, “but he… Uncle Renjun will be back right?”

“Of course,” Jaemin says with utmost confidence, planting a kiss to Jisung’s chubby cheek to make him smile. “He’ll come home.”

Adjusting to a morning without Renjun has put him off his rhythm for a moment. He still has to get used to the time difference, instead of a good morning text, there’s a goodnight text from Renjun. Instead of having an extra pair of hand to help him out with Jisung, he’s just by himself again.

But that does not mean Renjun’s presence and impact has been removed so quickly from their daily lives. He still reminds Jisung to eat his vegetables because Renjun wants him to grow up healthy, he still goes over to Renjun’s house to water his plants everyday—it’s really the little things. It’s how Renjun has left pieces of himself in their lives and how Jaemin misses every single little thing.

Their day isn't too lonely, because Renjun calls them just in time for lunch. It's almost midnight where he is now, and the pixelated video in the iPad across Jaemin as they eat lunch shows him all tucked up in bed—in banana-patterned pajamas that he and Jisung also have tucked somewhere in their closets.

"How's the first day?" Jaemin asks, handing Jisung the plate of mildly spicy fried chicken as the six-year-old makes grabby hands at it.

Renjun yawns from the other end of the world, pulling his pillow under his chin so that Jaemin can see him better. The hotel room must be lonely, Jaemin thinks. "So hectic." Renjun replies with a slight pout. "The museum was really busy since everyone's in town for the holidays—they really needed an extra hand."

Jisung peeks from where he's seating so that the camera catches him. "Bring us there next year Uncle Renjun!" The child suggests, mouth messy with hot sauce.

For a moment, Jaemin wonders why he never considered that thought. Why he never considered to compromise and ask if they can just tag along with him for a spontaneous New York holiday trip. The look on Renjun's face right now, although blurred and pixelated because of the connection says the same thing about him.

Renjun laughs when their eyes meet, and Jaemin cannot help but laugh with him too. "If that's what Jisungie wants then let's plan it when I get back okay?"

Jisung claps his hands together. "Yay!"

"Hey," Renjun notices something, so Jaemin looks at Jisung curiously too. "Is that fried chicken? Jaemin—please tell me you're making sure he eats his vegetables too."

Jisung giggles behind his hand, munching on the chicken leg Jaemin has handed him. Panicked, Jaemin scoops up some vegetables onto Jisung's plate, which makes the child pout at him. Renjun has a satisfied smile on his face.

"How can I forget that? Vegetables are important."

The next couple of days are spent like this, Christmas is nearing with every rise and fall of the sun and Jaemin has been coping with missing Renjun a little bit better everyday. He does not know how he spent two years videocalling Renjun as a friend at that when he cannot stand just being away from him now. Jisung is better at it than him though, he wants to talk to Renjun all the time but when his iPad rings with a notification of a video call request from Chenle, it's enough to keep him occupied for most of the day.

Today, they're at Jeno and Donghyuck's for their routine weekend hangouts. Renjun has been busy with work so they haven't been able to communicate as much (it's been two hours since their last call and Jaemin already misses him.)

For the most part, Donghyuck thinks he's being insufferable but Jeno is sympathetic, saying that he too would be mopey if Donghyuck was to be away during the holidays. That's enough to pipe Donghyuck down into a flustered mess. Jaemin wishes that can be him too.

"So what will you give Chenle for this Christmas?" Jeno asks Jisung when he finally ends the call with Chenle after saying goodbye for about a hundred times. They haven't seen each other in two days, because Chenle's family will be spending the holidays in Shanghai so Jisung and Chenle have been Facetiming constantly.

Jisung clambers up to Jeno's lap, handing his iPad over to Jaemin. "Huh? But he is so faraway, how can I give him a gift when he is so faraway?"

Jeno makes a face at him, just as Donghyuck appears from the kitchen with hot chocolate. "Who says you can't have gifts for people that aren't here?" Jeno says as he lifts off cat hair away from Jisung's sweater. Donghyuck hands each one of them mugs of hot chocolate.

"But how can you do that! It's not like you can teleport, Uncle Jeno! Can you teleport?" Jisung asks incredulously, looking at Jeno now with suspicion. He wonders if he has been letting Jisung watch too many superhero movies—then again, his child has always had such rich imagination.

"Sometimes, he sleeps next to me on the bed and when I wake up in the morning—he's gone! Today, I found him sleeping on the living room carpet!" Donghyuck interjects comically, hands flying up in exasperation as Jaemin loses himself to laughter. Jeno rubs the spot between his eyes and sighs.

"What?!" Jisung asks, completely confused now. "How's that possible? You're a superhero Uncle Jeno?!"

"No—I… I have the tendency to sleepwalk," Jisung makes an even more confused sound at the mention of the new word. "But that's not important! The thing is, Chenle is going to come back here and gift giving is for the people that you care for and love. Do you care for Chenle?"

"Of—of course! He's my bestest friend!"

"Then, don't you think he will be happy that even if he's faraway you still thought of giving him a Christmas gift? I'm pretty sure your appa has a gift for your Uncle Renjun even though he's not here—because he loves him."

Jaemin knows that his situation is just an example for Jeno to teach Jisung how to not only receive gift but give them too—and despite him being mildly shocked at Jeno trying to teach Jisung a life lesson, he cannot help but think back to the gift under the tree that will not be opened.

It's a painting set, something that Jaemin especially prepared for Renjun because he knows how much Renjun wanted to go back to painting but with how hectic his life is, he never had the chance to actually go out and buy art materials, much more sit down and paint.

"So I can give him a gift? But I don't have a job—how can I give him a gift?" Jisung, ever so smart, questions. Jeno laughs and hauls Jisung off his lap, before he stands up and grabs Jisung by the hand.

"Come on, you can just make them. Let me show you."

It's all it takes before Jeno is tugging Jisung away from them and Donghyuck is already rolling his eyes at what Jeno is about to do. "He's been into DIY stuff these days, recently—he made me bracelets and he's been making a lot of slime… I told him I'll break up with him if he gets me a Slime Kit for Christmas."

"A Slime Kit? Are you serious—"

"I am. Seriously, but he's having fun and I love him, we compromise you know?"

Jaemin gives Donghyuck a half-smile, hearing Donghyuck say that he loves Jeno without any hint of hesitation makes his chest swell with pride for both of his friends. Donghyuck and Jeno have been through a lot of ups and downs, and their story has been a long time coming.

"Compromise—big word."

Donghyuck snorts at him, propping his legs on the sofa so he sits comfortably. "Please, you have compromised a lot for Renjun too. Don't act like me accepting Jeno and his weird DIY habits is something outlandish."

Jaemin does not retort to that and only accepts the statement. “Of course, we have to make it work—because we want to make it work.”

He thinks about, thinks about the times he has adjusted for Renjun and thinks about the timess Renjun has adjusted for him—for them. It’s all fair, it’s a give and take, and during the days when the one lacks, the other completes. It’s a simple dance that has taken them years to master—they can’t let anything break them now.

Donghyuck looks at Jeno and Jisung coming out of their shared room, which makes Jaemin follow his line of sight. If Jaemin notices the utterly fond look Donghyuck gives Jeno as they try to haul bottle of school glue to make slime, he does not say anything.

Jaemin is worried.

Usually, Renjun never goes more than five hours without communicating about his day or his whereabouts. Sometimes it’s through text, most times it’s through videos and photos taken throughout his day to share a little piece of New York to Seoul. But today, it’s been quite suspicious—there’s been nothing but radio silence from Renjun and Jaemin is getting worried sick.

“He’s probably just busy.” Donghyuck rationalizes as they prepare food for Christmas Day. It’s Christmas Eve today, and Renjun made a promise to be on video call so that they can celebrate it together. His last message to him yesterday is still left on unread, leading Jaemin to think of the worst-case scenarios.

Jeno and Jisung are still making slime in the living room, the squelching sound of the slime makes Jaemin cringe to the bone so he’s glad that he has to make food with Donghyuck today. “You’re right.” He exhales, stirring together the potato salad with a deep frown on his face. “Probably just busy, I should let him breathe.”

“Yup! There’s still so much to prepare for tomorrow—don’t get so stressed. Renjun is a big boy, he can handle himself well.” Donghyuck seems so lax about this situation that it’s suspicious, but before Jaemin can even raise a brow, Jisung is calling out to him.

“Appa!” He hears Jisung say, “can I put some of your bracelets in my slime? I wanna give them to Uncle Renjun!”

“Jisung, _what_?”

The worry does not ebb away even as the day nears its end. Renjun still hasn’t texted him back, nor has he given a call and even worse of them all is the fact that his friends don’t seem to be worried by this fact by one bit. Jisung still does not know that Renjun hasn’t been in contact, far too engrossed in the slime containers he has made with Jeno in the past two days.

Jeno and Donghyuck go home together, promising to spend Christmas day over at Jaemin’s house. Jisung has packed slimes in little paper bags to give to Chenle, Renjun and his classmates when school comes back after the holidays. They’re all sitting under the tree like an army of brown bags.

“It’s almost Christmas,” Jisung says when Jaemin lifts him off the living floor into his arms. He still has to make Jisung wash up, brush his teeth, floss and then tuck him to bed. “I have a feeling that Santa is coming over tomorrow.”

“Mhm?” Jaemin hums, shocked at the sudden mention of the character because Jisung has never believed in Santa Claus. He’s always been suspicious of Jaemin putting the gifts under the tree so he has given up on their fourth Christmas together.

Jisung has his cheek pressed against Jaemin’s shoulder, sleepy and halfway to dozing off. “Just a feeling.”

Jaemin dismisses it as some type of sleep talking and wakes Jisung just enough for him to wash up. He tucks him into bed without much struggle, the child falling into a deep slumber almost immediately once Jaemin hands him his favorite stuffed toy.

As for him, he washes off the day’s grime and slips into the banana-patterned pajamas he remembers Renjun wearing just a couple of days ago. Because of Renjun’s absence and Jisung’s quick sleepiness, it seems that Jaemin is welcoming Christmas by himself.

When the clock on his phone shows _00:00_ , Jaemin makes a call to Renjun in an attempt to reach him today.

Renjun does not answer.

With worry settling deep in his chest, it mingles easily with the loneliness and everything else that’s in between.

He does not fall asleep easy that night.

Jaemin does not remember how he falls asleep, but he wakes up to opened curtains and the smell of food being made from the kitchen. He also gets a faint hint of the food he made last night being reheated and fuddled in his confusion as he has just woken up, Jaemin takes a while before he registers what’s going on.

But then Jisung is yelling at the top of his lungs, and it’s enough of an alert to send Jaemin’s nerves into a jolt of sudden energy. His instinct kicks in, and when he stumbles out of bed to run to the living room where he hears Jisung’s cry of help from—he does not expect what he sees.

It’s Renjun, in casual clothing with an apron on, with Jisung attached to his hip—positively crying from what Jaemin can see. It’s almost like a dream, but Jisung’s sobs tell Jaemin that this is real—that Renjun is actually _here_ with them.

“Uncle Renjun!” Jisung wails, hugging Renjun so tight that Jisung is losing his balance. But Renjun is laughing, no signs of jetlag and tiredness in his eyes as he tries to cradle the child in his arms. “How are you here! You’re home!”

Renjun kisses the top of Jisung’s head. “Of course I am home.” He says, glancing over to where Jaemin is and Jaemin feels the air be knocked out of his lungs at the singular action. Renjun beckons him with a free hand, and Jaemin is helpless but to stride over to him and engulf him in an embrace too.

“I can’t break my promise with you guys, I had to be home for Christmas—and I had to be home before the New Year’s.” Renjun’s voice is muffled when he speaks, because Jaemin is hugging him so tight until his brain fully realizes that the Renjun in front of him is not one from his imaginations.

Jaemin’s feeling _everything_ all at once, but the joy overwhelms the confusion more than anything and he lets his actions speak for him when he cups Renjun’s face into his hands and presses a firm kiss against his lips. Jisung protests from in between them, and Renjun pushes him away playfully by his chest—laughter resounding in the silent apartment.

“Gross! You smell like morning breath—go find your seats, we’re having Christmas morning breakfast courtesy of yours truly.”

“How are you here?” Jaemin asks when the three of them detangle, Jisung rushing to find his seat on the dinner table. Renjun escapes to the kitchen to take care of the food, and Jaemin follows him like a lost puppy reunited with his owner.

He tugs at Renjun’s shirt, keeping him close. Renjun does not stop him. “I couldn’t bear not spending Christmas with you guys.” He explains, putting the heat on low as he takes away the bacon from the pan. Jaemin hugs him from behind, inhaling the scent he so ever missed.

“So I did overtime at work for a couple of days, trained some of the staff so they can handle the exhibit even without me and then I booked the soonest flight home. I’m sorry I didn’t call—I wanted it to be a surprise.”

Jaemin kisses Renjun’s nape as he speaks, which tickles the other so he tries to elbow him away without much power but Jaemin does not let go. He missed him far too much to let him go too far away. “Baby,” Jaemin coos and he notices the way Renjun’s ears go red at the nickname, “I’m so thankful for you, you don’t know how happy I am—I was so worried last night… but Donghyuck and Jeno were so lax about it I almost snapped at them.”

Renjun sets aside the food, little giggles rumbling in his chest as Jaemin stays attached to him even as he moves around the kitchen. Jaemin finds himself in a familiar spot, pushed against the kitchen counter with Renjun’s arms encasing him. “I told them my plan and I knew I was going to be busy for a couple of days, so I asked if they could distract you… apparently, Jisung knows how to make slime now?”

Jaemin snorts, tugging Renjun closer to him by the hips. “Yes, he’s trying to make slime out of everything he can find in the kitchen and frankly, I’m afraid of what he’s going to come up with next.”

“Let him be.” Renjun scolds, kissing the tip of his nose and it surprises Jaemin just a little. “Our child is a creative mind, maybe I’ll take him to a museum after today.”

Hearing Renjun call Jisung ‘our child’ makes his head spin, and there’s this face splitting grin on his lips that he cannot even bite down even if he tried. “I want to hear you say that when you see his gift for you.”

“What is it?”

“You have to wait until breakfast.”

“Jaemin!”

Truth to be told, Jaemin lacks a lot in a lot of different departments and everyday is always a learning process. He wants to be the perfect dad, he wants to be the perfect boyfriend—but he know he can never achieve that, so he settles for what he is—he wants to be a good dad, he wants to be a good boyfriend.

Similarly, Jaemin does not crave for a perfect Christmas, but here, sitting in their dinner table with overcooked bacon for breakfast, with the two loves of his life sitting near him—he thinks this is as perfect as the holidays can get.


End file.
